Birthday Boy
Alan issuing instructions on how to photograph him without a double chin. Pity I didn't take the advice...
Sparkling Sally with the Gorgeous Zak
Sally tackles dessert. Must've been a rugby player in a previous life. I have included my Chocolate Fondue recipe at the bottom of this blog for you my darling.
The rain in Bahrain falls sporadically and increases the general feeling of seediness. Broken pavements, the smell of real food from real street stalls, actual pedestrians walking along actual footpaths, and 5 star hotels that haven't had a decor update since 1963 and sell lurid Murano glass vases in their gift shops.
I SO could live there.
In fact I was there for a birthday. Vas turned 29 - a cause for great celebration - not that the man needs much of an excuse. He is the loudest, campest, funniest and most sincere bloke I've met in a while, and he approaches partying as an extreme sport.
Pathetic middle-aged wimp that I am (and having no desire in any case to pick up any Saudis who treat Bahrain as their sex industry suburb) I only made it to about a third or half of the weekend-long festivities, but it has been some time since I laughed that much. My facial muscles are thanking me for the work out.
Things you need to know about Vas:
1. He only drinks Veuve Clicquot.
2. His living room wall is painted Veuve Clicquot orange.
3. He SHOOK OSAMA BIN LADEN'S BROTHER'S HAND!!!
Vas with Wall & Veuve Clicquot:
Yes, you did read that correctly.
During the weekend, Vas took a 15 minute break from the ongoing merriment to drop in on his boss' wedding. The boss married ObL's niece, and the father of the bride was naturally in attendance.
Shani: So what about HIM??? Was HE there???
Me: Not with the whole Western world looking out for him darling.
Shani: So he RSVP'd expressing his regrets???
Now there's an image.
But one that seriously stressed out Vas's mum who sent repeated and increasingly urgent messages (in Greek in case they were intercepted - how DO you say Osama bin Laden in Greek?) not to go under any circumstances.
And miss this kind of story for your grandchildren???
Vas' wedding present to the happy couple was an Hermes ashtray circled in fake fur in case you're wondering. That perfect gift for those who have everything.
On the home front, not a lot is happening, although Project Get a Life is well under way. Thus far, this has involved:
1. Decluttering house.
2. Decluttering mind.
3. Decluttering body (booze down, jogging up).
4. Increasing recognition that I don't want to move to Abu Dhabi in July and I do want to move to Oman, despite the lower salaries. And yes, this will involve a change of blog. And a change in life. Watch this space.
In other news, I have discovered what Ant does in the middle of the night while I am sleeping, apart from tracking movement to and from the mosque from my well-positioned window sill.
She transforms into Ant the Roach Slayer.
And I wake up to a safer, well-patrolled house, as a result of her diligent efforts, which she leaves lying around, legs up, in the middle of the floor...
Ant is not impressed with Project Get A Life, incidentally. She knows change is afoot, and she's not having any. She's even stopped hiding under my Nanna's handstiched patchwork quilt while she has her midday sleep in order to better monitor her human.
A final note on the post "Arrested & Arepas" below, following repeated requests to know what happened including this one from an American mate:
I had been contemplating a letter asking how your arrest had been resolved. It seemed that your readers were due an explanation. I imagined several scenarios: how you escaped from Qatari jail and made your way as a fugitive across the desert disguised in the make-up and robes of a devoted Muslim. All my scenarios involved a litany of clichés developed from second and third-hand sources, none of them including a use of the arepas recipe so recently mastered, so none of them provided any insight into the Middle East, and none were very interesting. So what really did happen? Don’t let the facts get in the way of a good story.
I would so love to be able to tell you that this was exactly what I did. I can see me in the latest hot-pink heels (3 1/2 inch spikes covered with matching sequins), latest handbag (also hot-pink, choice of Chanel or Dolce & Gabbana), and latest eye-shadow (same shade of pink, laid on thickly) but in fact...
Nothing happened. Just as all the friends who turned up said it wouldn't. But note this: Despite their repeated assurances that the whole thing was completely over, they ALL rang about 2 days after just to 'make sure'...
Chocolate Fondue:
1. Break up 300-400g of Toblerone chocolate into pieces.
2. Melt slowly with 1/2 - 1 cup of double/heavy cream.
3. Add a splash of cognac, whisky or Bailey's.
4. Serve with strawberries, banana pieces and marshmellows.
5. Apply face, rugby style.
I must go and declutter my study. Always nice to be able to see the floor.
Much love,
Simone the (increasingly) Uncluttered
Comments
Post a Comment