Arrested... & Arepas!

Simone with Arepas & Parrot Egg.

Chef Carmen from Venuzuela.

You know, for quite a long moment there, I thought that I had learnt how to keep a low profile.

That was before the police turned up to arrest me.

It was the first day after Ramadan, so people were not fasting, which you'd imagine would mean better driving.

A girl must have her dreams, but this one clearly took wishful thinking way way too far.

Over summer, Qataris got their roads back (no one in their right mind stays here with temperatures over 50 celsius), and some of their driving behaviours have reverted to what they were 2 years ago, before the advent of speed cameras and (some) road rule enforcement.

No, you don't know I'm talking about.

I mean, for example, that if you drive onto a roundabout at 140km ++, you tend to slide off it, taking others with you as you go. Wee hee!

It's also fun to have your 1 year old baby or 2 year old toddler take over the wheel, and it means they're not crawling all over the front seat or under the steering wheel which can be irritating.

You can drag race with your friends on Qatar's highways, doing wheelies as you go. This makes a great mobile phone video that you can show off to your friends.

Zooming in and out of traffic moves you up a car or two in the great race to the traffic lights, and if someone gets in the way, you can force them off the road, brake sharply in front of them (so even if they brake in time, others behind rear-end them) or swipe their car so you take one of their side mirrors off.

Think I'm exaggerating? This is a short TV report on Qatari driving from last year:


And if they really won't move? Kill them. That's what a Qatari did to two foreigners recently on the major road just off my street. That's the same road you can see someone doing 200km down in the video above.

So you will see that I got off lightly.

I'm driving back with a girlfriend when a YMQ (young male Qatari) almost causes an accident trying to overtake me by driving between 2 cars as we come off the roundabout. He then sits on his horn for a minute. No biggie.

Then YMQ flashes me, the standard Qatari technique which means: Get the *&@# out of my way NOW. I've got to the point where I just change lanes, but this one had really pissed me off with his bullying tactics, so I stayed in the fast lane which was moving at about 110km an hour anyway.

YMQ becomes seriously annoyed and follows me home.

I ask my friend to take out my mobile phone and use it to take a photo of YMQ - this is one of the latest Gulf Arab techniques to control people's worst behaviours. She does, but surprisingly, he doesn't care. And I'm now frightened.

I get to my housing complex, stop, and tell the security guards: "Shut the (security boom) gate and phone the police" repeatedly, but the gate is broken, and the Indian guards are frightened by YMQs or in fact, Qataris of any kind. So nothing happens.

I ring two Arab friends, one of whom is Qatari, and they both tell me, "Nothing is going to happen. He can't DO anything. Forget it."

Then one of the guards bangs on my front door to tell me the police are here.

And, you wouldn't read about it, and I swear this is true, I come out quickly because some moron has been smoking dope in one of the 8 flats in our building and the hallway and stairwell are now full of sweet smelling clouds. Put there, no doubt, by the same kind of someone who would try and smuggle drugs in and out of Singapore.

And when I get out there, I find that YMQ has been joined by 2 young traffic cops, one of whom is yelling at me: Get me your Residency ID, your Driver's Licence. This is a very unusual way for police here to treat drivers.

But it is an unusual situation. It eventuates that YMQ is a Lieutenant in the Qatari Police Force.

Not good.

So I text everyone: I'm in trouble. I'm frightened. Please come now. My boss. My Qatari mate. Mohammed Abbas (if you don't know who he is by now read my blog!).

My girlfriend is now yelling at me: Put the friggin' phone away and answer his questions.

So I calmly tell the guy what had happened and whether it's because his superior has broken the law, or because I'm a Western expat who works at the univeristy, Young Traffic Cop becomes a lot more polite.

The situation starts to escalate again however as Girlfriend panics. She's crying, demanding her ID back, asking whether she's going to be deported (no, that's me!), and abusing me.

She's also trying to negotiate a resolution in best task-oriented Western negotiation style with ARABS who dont' speak much English, and who are in any case, seriously stressed. (Lt. YMQ hadn't taken educated, well-connected Western women with an awareness of their human rights into his equation when he started this. This is what happens when you evaluate people on the price of the car they drive...)

Mohammed Abbas, aka The Legend, arrives. Calms both police down. Begins to PAT Lt. YMQ on the shoulder sympathetically... And finally both cops leave, having told me I will be called in tonight. Or maybe tomorrow morning. Or maybe in 2 days.

I feel sick.

Everyone leaves. Including Girlfriend who is still abusing me. I drive down to the road to another girlfriend's house and then my Qatari mate shows up. With another two policeman...

But these ones are his cousin and younger brother who tell me that Lt. YMQ has completely blown it because while speeding, flashing, reckless driving and horn-beeping are not going to get him into trouble, following anyone home for any reason will get him jailed. "We have LAWS in this country," they tell me outraged.

A good slug of vodka, the arrival of even more reassuring and outraged Qataris (these ones from work), and I start to feel a bit better. "Lovely to have all these friends around saving me from my self," I tell my girlfriend who hoots with laughter.

"Simone, NO ONE can save you from yourself!"

AREPAS & PARROT EGG

On a happier note, I have learnt how to make Arepas, Venezuelan Corn Cakes, filled with Parrot Egg.

Take a 1-2 cups of Pre-Cooked Ground Corn Meal (not corn flour). Add a tsp of salt, and enough water that it's doughy and moist, but doesn't stick to your hands. Knead for a while. You can also add a peeled and boiled plantain banana or roasted crushed white sesame seeds. Roll them into a ball, and then flatten them so they are about 1cm thick. Fry them on a thick, oiled pan or plate until they are crispy and golden. How? Watch Carmen in action:



Then pop them in a slow oven for 20 minutes (???) or so. You'll know they're cooked when they sound like a hollow drum when you tap them, while trying not to burn your fingers:



Then you scramble some egg with finely chopped onion, spring onion, green capsicum, and tomato (hence the name Perico, or Parrot Egg) and use this to stuff the Arepas. You can also put in chicken and cheese.

And stuff your face.

Bon appetit!

Simone the Unsavable.

PS: To learn about Qatar while improving your Spanish, why not visit Carmen's Blog?