Lies, damn lies and... Christians?

Tulips from Amsterdam growing in the Outer Hebrides. I asked the Tulip Man whether they'd be okay out there in the wind. "Madam" he said, "Holland is one of the windiest countries in the world. That's why we have windmills." Another 'Duh Simone!' moment...

Well the big news is - and I should probably say here that it was news to me as well - that I am having an affair with the Director.

I don't think anyone has told him either, which doesn't augur well for our relationship, but there you go.

My initial reaction was that this was just too silly for words, but when I went into work the day after hearing this, a couple of colleagues failed to return my cheery greeting and since they’re both Born Againers who are invariably cheery and chatty themselves, this was clear evidence that the gossip had crossed the sectarian divide! Let it not be said that Simone does not contribute to the ecumenical movement…

It started off about a month ago when I received an email from a colleague (ex-Jesuit priest – hence the comment on inter-faith communication) accusing me of being a liar, a manipulator, and a passive aggressive (yes, I laughed at the passive too), and informing me that everyone hated me (I shall go into the garden and eat worms).

The email copied three levels of management up to and including the above-mentioned Director, which shocked me even more than the email did. I mean, not only would you do this, but you would put it in writing?!? In a work environment?!?

Anyway, our bosses sorted it out, and while I had expected the after effects to be a little less ridiculous and long-lasting than they have been, the guy probably did me a favour. I got my performance appraisal back yesterday and in the category of ‘Relationships with Other Staff Members’ I received a ‘Good’ grade which I have interpreted as a rare act of support from the department Head (with whom I am not having an affair, just so as to clarify matters).

I have also removed this ex-priest from my dinner party list, along with his wife and two small children, and refocused on my real friends who, thankfully, I have in abundance (I shall return from the garden and plan my next menu, which will not include worms).

The menu will, in fact, include Vietnamese sugar cane prawns wrapt in rice paper with apple, carrot and mint because – great whoops of joy! – I smuggled some pork fat into the country from Scotland where I was the week before last! (The pork fat is mixed with the prawn meat and then wrapt around the sugar cane and baked, in case you’re wondering – and pork is banned in Qatar, as it is a Muslim country, in case you’re wondering about that too. If you’re visiting people here it is considered good behaviour to bring them some bacon. It also makes a good birthday present – which speaks volumes about our sad little expat community).

Why Scotland again? It is the polar opposite of Qatar. Enough said.

Helen with her gorgeous niece, Iona, and crazy sister Jane. Man, is this one sane family.

South Uist in the Outer Hebrides in Scotland. You were asking why I go?

A highland cow (pronunciation: heelund coo) wending its way through the Outer Hebrides

On the cat front, Ant has given up football (well not entirely, but she cheats now and brings the ball back in her teeth), and taken up attacking a toy I bought from the vet and modified (it came with feathers, immediately chewed off by Ant, which I replaced with ribbon, as you can see).

In between attacks on the ribbon she runs and jumps off and on the bed doing splits in mid-air as she goes. I have explained to her that this behaviour is unattractive in a cat (as well as being unphotographable), but Ant, whilst in SuperKat! mode is above such pettiness.

Ant in her SuperKat! persona. (Check the eyes.)

In the best news yet, I have less than three weeks of teaching left to go, and a bit over two months left of term. I’ll be back in Oz in August and really, really look forward to seeing those of you who live there then.

Much love,
Simone